Contestants
  • Clan Zombie
    • Albert Einstein
    • Pompey the Great
    • Agamemnon
    • Napoleon
    • Winston Churchill
    • Joan of Arc
    • Catherine the Great
    • Genghis Khan
    • Richard Nixon
    • Merlin
    • John Travolta
  • International All-Stars
    • Jean Chretien
    • Elton John
    • Nelson Mandela
    • Paul Hogan
    • Mel Gibson
    • Bjork
    • Celine Dion
    • Dalai Lama
    • Osama Bin Laden
  • New York Tribe
    • Jennifer Aniston
    • Tony Danza
    • Paul Reiser
    • Mark Messier
    • Tiger Woods
    • Sean Connery
    • Rosie O’Donnell
    • Bette Midler
    • Scott Bakula
    • Bill Gates
    • Pierce Brosnan
    • Jackie Chan
    • Sylvester Stallone
  • Clan Hollywood
    • Pamela Anderson
    • Andy Dick
    • Ashton Kutcher
    • Eric Cartman
    • William Shatner
    • Adam Sandler
    • Carrie Fischer

Event 8: Grenade Football

Once again, a clan has folded and it's members have been redistributed

This event is simple football, but with an added twist. When the player scores, the football explodes 1-5 seconds later. The Insanity!
The first team to score 3 touchdowns wins.

Hugh Downs - Welcome sports fans, to Grenade Football. I’m joined here by guest announcer Dick Butkus, the Chicago Bears hall of fame linebacker. Hi Dick.
Dick Butkus - Hi Hugh, good to be here. New York has won the coins toss, and has elected to kick off. Scott Bakula drops back to kick, and boots the ball downfield.

Hugh Downs - Napoleon receives, spins, and starts heading the wrong way! This is madness! He’s at his own 30... 20... 10... he's in his own zone.
Someone should have taught the Frenchman the rules of the game beforehand; Napoleon is costing his team valuable yards. Here comes Jackie Chan, rushing in to tackle him. Napoleon fumbles, and Jackie recovers and goes in for the touchdown. Napoleon tackles Jackie as he crosses the line. Napoleon is up and running away, and he has the football!

Dick Butkus - I think someone forgot to tell Napoleon the rules of grenade football too. 5-4-3-2- Napoleon has just drilled the ball into the middle of the New York team as they celebrate!

***Boom***

Hugh Downs - New York - 7, Zombie - 0. We have major carnage on the field; grenade shrapnel has injured or killed several New York players. Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Aniston are on the ground.
Aniston appears to be ripped nearly in half, and Stallone is wounded and limping off the field in shock.

Dick Butkus - Now that is strategy! Napoleon is lining up his troops for the kickoff. He isn't wasting any more time. Agamemnon kicks the ball, and it drives itself right into the body of Stallone as he limps off the field.
On-side kick! Pompey has picked up the ball and is running with it. Here comes Sean Connery with the tackle.

Slice *Gurgle*

Hugh Downs - Illegal Play! Illegal Play! Pompey has used his sword to stab Sean Connery in the neck. Looks like Pompey has incurred a 15-yard penalty for his team.

Dick Butkus - There was no reason for a play like that. That was just sick and twisted.

Hugh Downs - Napoleon has his team lined up. It looks like they are going with a passing play, as all the Zombie players have lined up as receivers. He’s looking, and he throws, incomplete for Agamemnon.
Dick Butkus - Not surprising considering how small he is. The zombie team should definitely be looking for a new quarterback at the upcoming draft.

Hugh Downs - Uh, Ok. Here's second down, and this time Napoleon has set up his team as a mass of blockers. Here comes the snap...

Dick Butkus - Its a running play, and Napoleon hands the ball to Merlin, who teleports into the end zone for the game's second score. New York - 7, Zombie - 7.

Hugh Downs - Now lets see what happens with the grenade ball... it looks like Merlin is preparing to teleport again...

***Boom***

Dick Butkus - That exploded among his own team, as well as Scott Bakula. John Travolta and Scott Bakula have fallen over from their injuries and Agamemnon appears to be missing a leg.
Lucky he's a zombie or that would really hurt. I think Merlin is turning on his teammates, realizing how close to the end of survivor he has gotten.

Hugh Downs - Here comes the ref out onto the field, it looks like he has an announcement.

Ref - Due to lack of players, New York must forfeit the game. Zombie claims victory.
Official casualty List for Round 8:
  • Jennifer Aniston
  • Sean Connery
  • Scott Bakula
  • Sylvester Stallone
  • John Travolta
Hugh Downs - And so that's it, and we move onto the elimination round before the finals. I thank my colleague Dick Butkus for joining me in the announcer's box.

Dick Butkus - My pleasure. This is Dick Butkus, signing off.

Exemption Winner - clan Zombie

Hugh Downs - It looks like Sylvester Stallone, already injured, will be put to death. He will be buried alive with his teammates. Lets pray he doesn't return as a zombie.