Contestants
  • Clan Hollywood
    • Pamela Anderson
    • John Travolta
    • Andy Dick
    • Pierce Brosnan
    • Sylvester Stallone
    • Ashton Kutcher
    • Eric Cartman
    • William Shatner
    • Adam Sandler
    • Carrie Fischer
  • New York Tribe
    • Jennifer Aniston
    • Tony Danza
    • Paul Reiser
    • Mark Messier
    • Tiger Woods
    • Sean Connery
    • Rosie O’Donnell
    • Bette Midler
    • Scott Bakula
    • Bill Gates
  • International All-Stars
    • Jean Chretien
    • Elton John
    • Nelson Mandela
    • Paul Hogan
    • Mel Gibson
    • Bjork
    • Jackie Chan
    • Celine Dion
    • Dalai Lama
    • Osama Bin Laden
  • Clan Zombie
    • Albert Einstein
    • Pompey the Great
    • Agamemnon
    • Napoleon
    • Winston Churchill
    • Joan of Arc
    • Catherine the Great
    • Genghis Khan
    • Richard Nixon
    • Merlin

Third Event: Dodgeball

This event is set up with teams occupying four corners in a giant gymnasium. Balls of various sizes are spread around the room. If you get hit, you are out unless you catch the ball. The last team to lose all their players wins exemption.

Hugh Downs - It looks like each player is being provided with a ball. New York is huddling up; it looks like they are planning strategy.
Meanwhile, Napoleon has pulled out a map of the room and is beginning to draw positions on it. Mel Gibson has his face paint on again.
William Shatner is tightening his girdle... he means business! Now on to our commentators for analysis.

Vanna White - Hi Vanna White here. This may not be the best game for this team, but their overwhelming numerical advantage could definitely help them. Look for sneak attacks on the New York Tribe, whom this team has declared a silent war on. Murphy?

Murphy Brown - The international team will look heavily towards Mel Gibson and Jackie Chan. Tensions broke out among the team earlier when Osama Bin Laden threatened to 'kill all the infidels'. Luckily, Jean Chretien then said something to make an ass of himself and the laughter broke the tense moment. Plutarch?

Plutarch - Clan Zombie is feeling the loss of Catherine the Great from last round. This would have been a great opportunity for some of their more warlike members to slaughter other teams, but due to their shortage of players it may be too great an obstacle for Napoleon to overcome. Dick?

Dick Clark - This New York team is the team to beat. Strong in power and working on a unique strategy, this is the team to watch. Looks like we're getting ready to go. Back to you, Hugh.
Hugh Downs - The teams are off! Napoleon's team is spreading out and all firing at the same person all at once. It’s hard to dodge 8 balls at once and Celine Dion is OUTTT!
Ooo she took a ball right in the nose and blood is dripping.

Meanwhile, clan Hollywood has raided the New York tribe and hit Bette Midler. New York is responding... WHAM!
Tony Danza just fast-pitched the ball right into Pamela Anderson's giant boobs... and they have popped. O, she’s down and in a lot of pain ladies and gentlemen. Paramedics are trying to revive her, but this may be it for her!
Mark Messier has his hockey stick out and is slap shooting his teammates balls at Team Hollywood at tremendous speeds. Jennifer Anniston runs to get more balls for him. Messier pegs of Eric Cartman and William Shatner... ooo they are coughing up blood. And they call Dodgeball a child's game!

The international team is retaliating against the sneak attack by Napoleon but can’t hit anything. The Dhali Lama protests the violent game and goes to sit in the middle of the room to pray.
Osama Bin Laden tags his own teammate out! Einstein has Merlin propel a ball up at the ceiling at a certain angle, and it rebounds and hits Bjork in the head and squashes her flat like a bug. Good lord, Bjork is dead!

Mark Messier continues to ravage the Hollywood team. Stallone, Travolta and Carrie Fischer have all been pegged off by his incredible slap shot.
The remaining Hollywood players are crouched inside a fort made of the unconscious bodies of Eric Cartman and William Shatner.
Meanwhile, the other New York players have targeted Napoleon, but thanks to a selfless sacrifice, Richard Nixon went down instead. Napoleon re-oriented his two principle shooters Pompey and Agamemnon and they let fly at the New York team.
Agamemnon's skill with the javelin resulted in increased pelting accuracy, and he scores a direct hit on Tiger Woods. Pompey's ball is caught, however, by Scott Bakula.

With the teams down to less than half-a-dozen each, tactics have shifted, with teams spreading out except for the Hollywood team still hiding in their human bunker. Einstein and Merlin begin picking of people one by one with rebounding balls: Osama Bin Laden, Nelson Mandela, Sean Connery and Mel Gibson all get hit. Mel makes a spectacular death scene right in the middle of the floor.

Messier turns his cannon on the Zombie team. His first cannon knocks Joan of Arc's head right off! Napoleon replies but his throw is pathetic and caught by Scott Bakula again.
The zombie team begins to crumble and retreats to their corner. New York presses their attack, but as Bill Gates moves closer, Pierce Brosnan pegs him off in crossfire.

We're going to take a commercial break now, but please stay with us as we return to Survivor: Day 3.

[Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, daa]
Hugh Downs - Hi, we're back. With all the action, lets check to see who’s still left in this game.
Only 11 players left, and it appears Merlin has run out of mana again. What a blow to the Zombie team. New York decides to finish of Clan Hollywood, and spreads along their border, firing madly.
Aniston goes down, but 007 Brosnan manages to not only dodge but to also peg off Jennifer Anniston. Elton John and Jackie Chan join in the attack on the New York team, but Mark messier ends their attack with two slap shots. Team International is out!

Team Zombie rallies, and using Einstein as a human shield, Agamemnon charges the New York team and pegs off Scott Bakula.

William Shatner - Ha ha, you see there! He’s no Star Fleet captain!

Hugh Downs - New York is retreating! Messier is out of 'ammo' and Tony Danza's fastball is inaccurate at best. Brosnan drills a ball off the back of Messier's bald head. He then nails Danza right in the balls. Danza just vomited folks, then tipped over and landed in a pool of his own vomit. New York is out!

Brosnan is outnumbered four to one, and Agamemnon and his human shield press their attack. Meanwhile, Merlin sits in the corner and hums. Agamemnon fires but misses. Brosnan fires and hits Agamemnon's human shield. Agamemnon fires, but widely misses. Wait a minute, his ball just curved around in the air and hit Brosnan from behind! This game is over. Merlin's magic has won it for the zombie team!
Official casualty List for Round 3:
  • Adam Sandler
  • Bjork
  • Joan of Arc
  • Pamela Anderson
Lets head down to the floor with Plutarch and see if we can get the winner's comments. Plutarch?

Plutarch - Hi Hugh. Amazing victory today, brought on I think due to New York's overwhelming show of strength. Once the other tribes ganged up there was nothing New York could do, and as a result, Zombie team got lucky.

Hugh Downs - Let’s check the casualty list. OOO, looks like Clan Hollywood will lose Adam Sandler to random execution. Method: death by watching his own movies. How horrible.