Quarter Final Contestants
  • Napoleon Bonaparte
  • Merlin
  • Pompey the Great
  • Jackie Chan
  • Agamemnon (Injured)

Event 9: The Dance

Hugh Downs - Well folks, we are down to our last 5 players. The dance is freestyle artistic gymnastics floor routine - The person judged to have the best routine wins exemption.

Hugh downs - Up first is Jackie Chan. He's chosen to dance to the music "Kung Foo Fighting" by Karl Douglas. Interesting choice.
["Everybody was Kung Foo Fighting..."]

Hugh Downs - Jackie's routine is unique all right. He's combined martial arts, acrobatics and country line dancing to create a rhythmic knee slapper. He's flipping, doing the achy-breaky heart dance, flipping again, doing an impression of Garth Brooks, and then finishing it by dropping into the splits and doing air country guitar.
The crowd goes nuts!

Hugh Downs - Lets see how the panel of judges rewarded him: Hugh Downs - Wow, Patrick Swayze really seemed to like that routine. I think he even whistled when Jackie changed into his leotard. A 10 on the floor? More like a 10 on the gay-dar.
Up next is the injured Agamemnon. He will be dancing and singing all at once with no musical accompaniment. Lets watch.

Hugh Downs - Here he goes: he's clapping his hands, stamping his feet, and... Gyrating his hips! What is this? It disgusts me! He must be killed now!
Stop, stop, stop, the competition is over... Agamemnon is disqualified for ... gyrating, clearly banned since the Richard Dryfus debacle several years ago.

Hugh Downs - Up next is Pompey the Great, who will perform a traditional Roman performance piece, the Trojan Game. It involves leaping onto a moving horse from the ground, and then flipping off it.
I don’t exactly know if this qualifies, so don’t expect a high mark.

Clip Clop Clip Clop

Hugh Downs - Wow, he's doing it, he's jumping around like a crack head. He’s jumping on and off the horse. Wow! What a performance!

Hugh Downs - Lets see how the panel of judges rewarded him: Hugh Downs - Nicolas Cage has just been informed that Pompey was the one competing, not his horse.
Nicolas thought this was a horse show, and is now so disappointed that he’s going home. Lets go to head judge Kirk Douglas to find out what this will mean for Pompey's score.

Kirk Douglas - I am Spartacus!

Hugh Downs - It looks like this will go against him points-wise, but so long as he wasn’t disqualified, he will move on to the next round and be happy.

Hugh Downs - Napoleon is up next... and ... this is unusual. He has a partner. Merlin will be performing with him in a Waltz. Merlin's cloak seems to resemble a dress, but they still look ridiculous.
But still, it is a magical dance. They float around the floor as if on air. We have a disruption on the floor! Patrick Swayze has cut in, and now he and napoleon are dirty dancing.
The crowd is hooting and clapping. Patrick takes off his shirt, and as a finale, hoists Napoleon in the air!
The dance done, the audience claps, Napoleon bows, Patrick Swayze hip thrusts and Merlin curtsies.

Hugh Downs - Lets see how the panel of judges rewarded them:
Official casualty List for Round 9:
  • Agamemnon
Hugh Downs - It looks like our winner is Jackie Chan. And now, Oprah Winfrey will present the award for fifth place on survivor.

Oprah Winfrey - And the winner is: Agamemnon. You will now be covered in barbeque sauce. O, also, I’m off the wagon.

Hugh Downs - Bon Appetite, Oprah, Bon Appetite.